I have been pregnant for 33 weeks now. And I love using the excuse of pregnancy for a lot of things, especially eating habits. Plus it's so easy when everyone offers that up as an excuse for you (snitching before dinner is ready, and someone says it's okay she is pregnant). So I've decided to talk a little about what I think is choice and what has been really hard for me in this pregnancy.
The trouble with sugar: before pregnancy I had been 95% sugar free, we had reduced our diets to nothing with more than 5 grams of sugar in the table of nutrition, and sweets and treats were very rare. When I started into the nausea phase of pregnancy I really didn't want to eat anything. Then I discovered that sugary things were the only thing I would eat sometimes, and rather than starve I ate them. I had major guilty feelings for this, so back and forth I would go, "I've had too much sugar!" to "I better eat something, or me and baby will both starve".
When I was starting to feel better, was just around Christmas. Since my sugar habits were all over the place I choose sugar all holiday long. As my nausea subsided it was amazing how much control I felt I had again, and I thought "why have I been destroying my body (and babies body) with sugar??"So I went off the stuff mid January. Determined to go back to the previous Marni Sugar-Free me. Easier said than done, and yet looking back I realize I had a lot more choice in the matter. I would be sugar free for two weeks, then something tasty would come along and I would eat it, then for two weeks I'd be a sugar maniac eating all the candies that Peggy provides for the Elms office.
Not only was I doing this, but because I couldn't be consistent Paul was eating sugar when I was eating sugar. At that point we were taking on the philosophy of "don't beat yourself up about it, you'll do better tomorrow", only the next day I'd say the same thing on and on again, never stopping. Then I'd feel really guilty and stop eating sugar for a day, then crash again. Yeah that idea isn't very effective with this Aries type.
Finally I said to Paul one day, okay for me this isn't working, and I'm scared everyday that'll I'll get Preeclampsia, I'll have Group B Strep and labor will suck because of that. I told him the "don't beat yourself up" idea was not working, I needed to beat myself up. I couldn't blame this crazy diet on pregnancy anymore! So I stopped again, I went back to my original sugar free plan, wherein all sugars everywhere are off limits all the time, It's just easier for me to make the decision upfront and never let a taste in. (This has also sounded much like a testimony advocating that sugar is ADDICTIVE!). So I have been off sugar again, not long but this time I just know that I will not go back, especially before this baby comes!
Lazy Lazy Bones!: Now I wont say that before pregnancy I was always active and never lazy, not true! I had the occasional week where I had a hard time self-motivating and getting things done. Yet I was pretty good, Paul and I made sure to exercise 5 to 6 days a week, the apartment had it's messy days, but mostly clean. Enter first trimester pregnancy, and there goes all desire to do anything. It wasn't even that I was very sick, but for some reason I just couldn't. I used pregnancy as an excuse a little too much in this phase. Paul and I would plan to get up to exercise early in the morning, morning would roll around and I would tell him I couldn't get up, I needed sleep.
The truth is it was harder to get up, it was harder to exercise, it was harder to clean, harder to work, harder to go places. After awhile I started feeling pretty sad. Thinking about it at the time I thought, "this is hormones", and so it really was pregnancy causing me problems. But as time moved forward and I still felt sad, I thought that this couldn't be just hormones, I had felt this way before not pregnant (and not on my period). I had felt this when I hadn't been doing the things I love to do! Like exercise, go outside, visit people, clean my house!
I knew that to be happier I'd have to fight harder since the hormones made things harder. It was still very much and back and forth struggle well into second trimester. However it was my choice now, so I could not blame the pregnancy 100%, only on occasion where it felt like my body really did need a break. This has been a struggle still, but I feel in the last few days maybe a twinge of early nesting coming on. I have stayed on top of dishes, I have picked up our apartment more, last night I even attempted to scrub the grout... Paul made me stop because the chemicals were way to strong. And ever since I bought a support belt (which I recommend for any active pregnant ladies!) I have been able to keep up on jogging and climbing!
Special treatment: I don't like people to fuss over me. With pregnancy the fusing seems to come in truck loads. When I was using the excuse of pregnancy I was getting a lot of concern. As I've learned that mostly it is choice here, less people fuss and more they are impressed, and let's face it I love impressing people ("you are 33 weeks pregnant and still climging?", love that one).
*I will say however, no matter how much pain I am in or not, as a pregnant woman I still deserve to have back and feet rubs as much as I ask for it! That is the only excuse I will stick too. ;)
