The Birth of Yosemite

Yosemite

Our lives have changed forever with no regret. (Marni, this is the perfect opening to this letter to Yosemite that you’re writing. I get scared of change sometimes, but it’s always only BEFORE the change occurs. Afterward, I look back with gratitude at what brought on the change. Yosemite is here in my life because of you. I can’t express how grateful I am to you for that. I have felt closer to God every day since we met. The relationship we have is so pure and special; we’ve worked together with love and honesty. I think that is why God has sent Yosemite to us—she is a very great soul. Thank you for your elegance, and sweet determination. I admire you in every way. Love ya! –Pablo**Daddy-o)

It started slowly Saturday evening, contractions of different intensities and just about 10 minutes apart. I was having practice labor throughout the week so I decided since I had been sitting for 2 hours we should walk to see if it would go away. Luckily they didn’t and I got excited. I tried to sleep but when contractions got a little stronger I couldn’t wait. I called Cathy and she said that I had better try to sleep, every last rest I could get would be critical (but little could I foresee that). Sunday came and we just went on with routine. Going to Paul’s sisters’ farewell and luncheon after. I was getting impatient. When was this labor really going to kick into gear!? I felt so on edge because I kept feeling like it was going to slip away and I’d have to wait another week for Yosemite to come!

            By evening we were at home again, Paul and I napped, but I didn’t really nap and Paul napped a lot. We walked again. Earlier in the day I had sent a message to my birth troops to give a heads up. Brittany, our photographer and my best friend said she was too excited to wait around and wanted to come entertain us a little. I was very grateful for fresh energy. She brought me a letter of love attached to a jar with roses and different teas. We played phase 10 and Sara, my midwife’s apprentice, came to see how I was doing. She helped things pick up a little by rubbing my pressure points and using marjoram oil.

            At this point I felt a shift, things were happening, this was the start of my labor it was Sunday evening and I had a long road a head, but the energy of birth was starting to rise. Cathy sent over Liz a midwife student who could check my cervix. I was hesitant because I didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t dilated at all and the cervix was hard, but while she was on her way, Brittany said to me “okay what’s the worst that could happen… no dilation and no cervix softening.” Once she said that I thought okay I can handle hearing that. When she came she was gentle and surprised us by telling me I was at about a 3 or 4. I was happy I was not expecting that.  We called Paul’s family to come have a drum circle a tradition we love. With all the instruments brought together someone will start the beat and people will join in on a drum, Indian flute, guitar, or even a didgeridoo. The family came and lacking our brother-in-law’s drums they made due with 2 handmade doumbek drums, the Indian flute and a whole bunch of Tupperware. It was getting late and I could feel that birth energy dying down, so after a quick beat, where I danced around the room, I sent the group home so we could try to rest again.

 My mom and my doula/sister came close to midnight, and Paul’s mom came back after the drum circle, Brittany was there already snapping photos. I knew now the importance of rest and we all went about to settle down. After laying down the contractions became further apart I didn’t want that to happen so Paul and I got up and went about eating delicious snacks with everyone asleep around me. Kellee (my sister) being my ever constant, came and ate with us, during which time I would pipe up, “big one” or “medium” for each contraction. Kellee wrote down the times and pretty soon the contractions were all 5 minutes or less apart. I called Cathy and Sara and within the next 2 hours both were there and things were moving. Again Cathy’s advice was sleep and rest. And we all tried. Morning came and things were moving along nicely. I was certain she would come that afternoon, contractions steadily getting stronger and stronger. However it wasn’t fast enough, so we started using different herbal tinctures and concoctions.

It wasn’t long before things picked up more. Little did I know how much we needed the tinctures, labor could have lasted much longer than it did. It was around 3 in the afternoon and we were still 12 hours out. I had high hopes that she’d be there by early evening. The pain intensified, I was finally feeling a pain I had not anticipated, as much as I geared myself up for pain 10X greater than what I had ever felt, nothing can prepare you enough. I started relying on my rock, Paul more and more. I was in enough pain to cry and cry, I didn’t know there would be pain that would take me beyond tears into exhaustion. For now it was these tender tears that I shed that made me feel comforted. I put all my weight on Paul’s knees as I started to cope with this strong pain, and as I cried I began to sing. It must have come from some place inside of me where I felt the need to sing myself a lullaby to calm down. I sang “Scarborough fair”, “Grown Ocean” and “Sim Sala Bim”, and Paul sang with me. Brittany told me later there was not a dry eye in the room. It was then that the energy of the moment melded us together in this event, bonded forever.

 I was checked sometime after that and I was at 8cm, but it was at this point that Cathy felt a lip on my cervix. I never thought twice about it, I trusted Cathy so much. She wanted me to try pushing, before the urge to push was there so that she could, with her fingers, gently push the cervix lip over Yosemite’s head while I pushed. After the first try at pushing I lost my calm focus on contractions, when one would come I would tense and scream, then Paul would lock eyes with me and I would sound my primal yalp as I pushed. We did this again and again with no avail. Cathy then did something that surprised me she called someone else to come help. It was Liz who had checked me almost 24 hours before when this whole thing started. She brought a whole new energy to the group; it was much needed, for all our exhausted minds and bodies. She went to check the cervical lip and right then a surge came, I grabbed her arm and made eye contact with her, she made contact right back and helped me through the contraction. The lip had swollen so we proceeded to ice it, putting little pieces of ice up inside and right on it. Pretty soon the swelling had subsided and it was time to get that lip over her head!

Ever since the pain had exceeded what I thought I could handle, I kept thinking “I want out, I want it to stop”, and as I would come out of a contraction and look around; I was so confused that no one else was saying this too. Then a little sense would kick in and I would realize well if we’re not moving on to plan B then Plan A much still be working. So then my internal dialog would change to “I can do this, I can do THIS!” It took a lot of praying too, I was praying, Paul was praying, my mom was praying, Kellee was praying. I think everyone had a little prayer in their hearts. I was exhausted, feeling like I was in this never ending cycle, I wanted Yosemite here so badly, every pain I prayed she would just come!

            Lo and behold we had success, Liz had Paul lean against the wall and hold me tight so that I could hang all my weight on him and depend on gravity to let her down. After a few contractions of this, Liz got that cervical lip over Yosemite’s head! Everyone was so wonderful as this was happening. This was terrifying and so painful for me, but every single soul in that room was so positive, and so encouraging. My mom who I thought would be the hospital advocate at this point was instead saying in my ear things like, “you’re doing great! She’s almost here, relax you can do it!”

            That urge to push finally came! In my family we used to take road trips to our cousin’s house in San Diego, that was always a long drive when you’re a kid and it was a miracle when we’d finally pass under rainbow bridge, that was the sign that we were almost there and the energy in the van would shift and we’d laugh and chatter the last 30 minutes of our drive. Well reaching that urge to push was kinda like that, except we were all so tired. But in my head I knew that Yosemite was going to be out soon, and two hours later…. She was.

 As I pushed, I wished every time that it was the time she’d crown. This was a long process, Earlier during labor I once asked Cathy, “when will this end?” She said that I had been saying “open, surrender” that whole time, but when I was really ready to surrender, when I really wasn’t afraid anymore, and when Yosemite was truly ready, then she would come. So in the birth pool, with all the lights off, everyone sleeping around me (except Kellee, my guardian angel) I became focused, determined. Yosemite was coming out, and I was going to get her here. The pain was there, but at this point I knew it wouldn’t be going away until she came out. When she started to crown and I looked down and saw her head and decided it was now or never, I pushed hard and instead of the gradual crowning, then head, then body, it was BAM all baby in one push, “like a pea shot from a pea gun” my mom said later. Brittany caught the moment all in Paul’s face.

          Up on my chest she went, all warm and small. She breathed life more into me then into herself. Paul was crying and from the pictures you can tell I was beyond tired and totally in another world. Yosemite was alert and calm. It was life changing and is life changing to become a mama. And Paul kept saying the whole next week, he would never ever go back to life without her.